Toilette Paper: Back by Popular Demand!
That's right folks, you heard me right. I went to the store today to get a few last minute armageddon supplies and I took a second to walk through the wasteland that once was the paper goods section.... and I found toilette paper! As I turned the corner, I could see it there shining in all its glory. I never thought in my life that I would be so happy to see a roll of toilette paper. Of course the first thing I did was call my wife to share the good news. "I'm pulling out all the stops, baby, we about to come up!" I was so excited I nearly pooped myself. And that would have been okay too, because after all, I now had toilette paper. And not just 1 roll of the cheap stuff either, I'm talking about 6 rolls of premium Cottonelle. #TP_MEGAROLL.
They even had options! Feeling less like an ordinary man and more like a modern-day fearless hunter, I took my catch and gathered the rest of my items, smiling and guarding it with my life all the while.
When I arrived home I hauled in the load with the mojo of a true king. MY children my wife and I gathered around the table and rejoiced in the glory of the plush, strong, absorbent toilet paper we had found.